You may have noticed a slight difference in appearance just under the Blog's header. We have a new choice of tabs, which if you click on them will offer new stand alone pages over the home page.
These pages are just a few of the things that we feel are useful for easy access, such as maps of our tours, various beer prices and fond memories of our ex-bikes. New tabs will follow in due course, hopefully a more in-depth "introduction" page, a "how we did it" page and other items of personal interest.
Have a look, drop us a line to let us what you think and watch absolutely nothing change on here after we carefully consider your wise comments. :o)
Saturday, 31 July 2010
Sticking Around Until 2012
I'm sure we mentioned that Löw is staying on as German manager, but here're more details from The Local:
Germany's national football coach Joachim Löw and his staff said Tuesday they had agreed two-year extensions to their contracts hoping to build on the young team's bold showing at the World Cup.
Löw, team manager Oliver Bierhoff and assistant coaches Hans-Dieter Flick and Andreas Köpke signed on with the German Football Federation (DFB) to 2012, when the European championships will be held.
The 50-year-old chief coach called the negotiations "uncomplicated," without revealing details, and thanked DFB President Theo Zwanziger for his vote of confidence.
"We had a whole lot of fun at the World Cup and are looking forward to the work ahead," Löw told reporters in the western city of Frankfurt, adding that he had informed a few of the players of his decision by text message.
"Many of them wrote back and congratulated me," he said.
Germany finished third in the World Cup in South Africa, demolishing England 4-1 and favourites Argentina 4-0 before losing 1-0 to eventual champions Spain in the semi-finals. They then beat Uruguay 3-2 in a third-place playoff.
Löw has won 38 out of 55 matches since he succeeded Jürgen Klinsmann after the 2006 World Cup, taking Germany to the runners-up spot at Euro 2008.
Zwanziger said Löw had proven his knack for bringing the best out of Die Mannschaft.
"We now have an excellent foundation to achieve our most important targets," he said.
"We have young, talented players, some of whom were playing at a world-class level in the last few weeks during the championships. We have an excellent nurturing programme for next-generation players. And we have a coach who fits perfectly with the team."
Löw's four-year deal expired on June 30, and talks over a new contract for him and his entire backroom staff broke down in February over financial details and Löw's desire for more control over the Under-21 side.
Germany's first qualifying match for Euro 2012, to be held in Poland and Ukraine, will be against Belgium in Brussels on September 3.
The 50-year-old chief coach called the negotiations "uncomplicated," without revealing details, and thanked DFB President Theo Zwanziger for his vote of confidence.
"We had a whole lot of fun at the World Cup and are looking forward to the work ahead," Löw told reporters in the western city of Frankfurt, adding that he had informed a few of the players of his decision by text message.
"Many of them wrote back and congratulated me," he said.
Germany finished third in the World Cup in South Africa, demolishing England 4-1 and favourites Argentina 4-0 before losing 1-0 to eventual champions Spain in the semi-finals. They then beat Uruguay 3-2 in a third-place playoff.
Löw has won 38 out of 55 matches since he succeeded Jürgen Klinsmann after the 2006 World Cup, taking Germany to the runners-up spot at Euro 2008.
Zwanziger said Löw had proven his knack for bringing the best out of Die Mannschaft.
"We now have an excellent foundation to achieve our most important targets," he said.
"We have young, talented players, some of whom were playing at a world-class level in the last few weeks during the championships. We have an excellent nurturing programme for next-generation players. And we have a coach who fits perfectly with the team."
Löw's four-year deal expired on June 30, and talks over a new contract for him and his entire backroom staff broke down in February over financial details and Löw's desire for more control over the Under-21 side.
Germany's first qualifying match for Euro 2012, to be held in Poland and Ukraine, will be against Belgium in Brussels on September 3.
Less is More
Addressing parcels and letters with the name of the county could soon be a thing of the past as county names could disappear from the Postcode Address File, a database containing 28 million addresses used by firms for mailing lists.
The postal service does not strictly need county names to deliver mail, instead using house names and numbers, street names and postcodes to identify locations and all the county name adds to the address is "a kind of vanity attachment".
I've long thought them unnecessary as, certainly in Germany, their address are far simpler. The road name and number (at the end) and then a unique number identifying the town (usually only five digits) plus the town name and that's all you need.
Saying that, I suppose even the town name is redundant- it's already in the code.
The postal service does not strictly need county names to deliver mail, instead using house names and numbers, street names and postcodes to identify locations and all the county name adds to the address is "a kind of vanity attachment".
I've long thought them unnecessary as, certainly in Germany, their address are far simpler. The road name and number (at the end) and then a unique number identifying the town (usually only five digits) plus the town name and that's all you need.
Saying that, I suppose even the town name is redundant- it's already in the code.
Scran Costs to Rise
The British food industry is preparing for a massive jump in food inflation in the wake of soaring animal feed prices, a shortage of silage and poor harvests, according to a new report, with experts predicting that food prices could be at least 10% higher by early next year.
The UK's biggest animal feed supplier, reported a 20% increase in the price of raw material feed on last year, following a 30% spike in feed wheat costs. The company warned selling prices to dairy, poultry, beef and pig farmers would have to increase by the same amount over the next three months.
The National Farmers' Union said the dry weather had added to problems for farmers by decimating* yields of silage for winter feed by up to 50%** and food producers are already reeling from the soaring cost of commodities such as palm oil, cocoa and soya oil, which have leapt 39%, 23% and 14% respectively since last year, according to figures.
Doesn't sound so good, does it?
* & **: To decimate is to divide by ten, which is incorrect here as the article then quotes 50%. An often recurring error which is so basic it's almost embarrassing.
The UK's biggest animal feed supplier, reported a 20% increase in the price of raw material feed on last year, following a 30% spike in feed wheat costs. The company warned selling prices to dairy, poultry, beef and pig farmers would have to increase by the same amount over the next three months.
The National Farmers' Union said the dry weather had added to problems for farmers by decimating* yields of silage for winter feed by up to 50%** and food producers are already reeling from the soaring cost of commodities such as palm oil, cocoa and soya oil, which have leapt 39%, 23% and 14% respectively since last year, according to figures.
Doesn't sound so good, does it?
* & **: To decimate is to divide by ten, which is incorrect here as the article then quotes 50%. An often recurring error which is so basic it's almost embarrassing.
Ah, Yes...
Ken Clarke, the Lord Chancellor, has been forced to admit losing the key to his red box containing official papers during a day off to watch cricket at Trent Bridge (see here). TTel offers us some other memorable government blunders:
25m records 'lost in post': Sensitive personal data on more than 25 million child benefit claimants were lost by Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs in November 2007 after two discs went missing in the post. The password-protected discs, which contained all of the information on the HMRC's child benefit database, were copied by a junior official and sent by couriers TNT in response to a query from the National Audit Office (NAO). It was another major blunder of Mr Brown's premiership and forced him to apologise personally.
Bigotgate: One of the biggest ever blunders to hit Gordon Brown came after the former Prime Minister was caught off guard in Rochdale by a microphone describing Gillian Duffy, a grandmother and lifelong Labour voter, as a "bigoted woman". He made a personal visit to her home to apologise, but political opponents seized on the gaffe as evidence that he held voters in contempt. It effectively derailed his election campaign and some observers say it was a major factor in him losing.
25m records 'lost in post': Sensitive personal data on more than 25 million child benefit claimants were lost by Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs in November 2007 after two discs went missing in the post. The password-protected discs, which contained all of the information on the HMRC's child benefit database, were copied by a junior official and sent by couriers TNT in response to a query from the National Audit Office (NAO). It was another major blunder of Mr Brown's premiership and forced him to apologise personally.
House prices 'to fall'. Caroline Flint, the former Housing Minister, made an embarrassing blunder in May 2008 by revealing she told Cabinet that she expected house prices to fall by between five and ten per cent in 2008 “at best". Her embarrassing blunder disclosed the Government's private fears about the housing market after she emerged from Number 10 carrying her official briefing note which could be seen by waiting photographers.
Hazel Blears and expenses: Hazel Blears, the former Communities Secretary, blundered by displaying secret papers relating to MPs expenses as she walked along Downing Street in April last year. Photographers captured on camera a written ministerial statement which she had left on the top of a pile of papers as she left No 10 following a Cabinet meeting.
Terror arrests: Bob Quick, Britain's most senior antiterrorist policeman, resigned last year after making a major security blunder that caused an operation against a suspected al-Qaeda cell to be brought forward. The Assistant Commissioner was photographed entering Downing Street carrying a secret briefing note on which details of the undercover operation – code-named Pathway – could be seen.
More private details 'lost': In August 2008 the Ministry of Justice revealed that it had lost the personal details of 45,000 people, including dates of birth, criminal records, National Insurance numbers and court information.
Public sector pensions blunder: Tens of thousands of retired soldiers, teachers, NHS staff and civil servants employees saw their pensions cut after they were overpaid more than £100 million due to an administrative blunder.
Prison population data: Jacqui Smith, the former Home Secretary, was forced to sack the firm that lost the personal details of the entire prison population. PA Consulting lost the memory stick containing the details of 84,000 prisoners. The Home Office later said the company had its three year contract worth £1.5 million terminated.
'Left' documents and British trains: A series of blunders involving the security services have occurred. In June 2008, top secret documents containing the security services' latest intelligence on the al-Qaeda terror network were left on a commuter train, raising renewed fears over the Government's handling of sensitive data. The two documents include the latest assessments from the Joint Intelligence Committee on al-Qaeda and the situation in Iraq. They are understood to have been left on a train between London and Surrey and later passed to the BBC.
A few days later, another batch of secret government papers, this time detailing policies on terrorism, were found abandoned on a train. The confidential files were left on a train destined for Waterloo station on Wednesday and outline how trade and banking systems can be manipulated to finance illicit weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
While in April last year Andy Burnham, the former Culture Secretary, apologised "unreservedly" for a security breach after he left confidential documents on a train. It was claimed he left the papers, which were marked "restricted", were in a case left behind when the minister arrived on a train from the North at Euston Station. A passenger on the train's next journey recovered the case and handed in to police in Glasgow. They did not
Sats marking fiasco: Millions of students faced chaos over their exams in 2008 after a series of errors meant some schools failed to receive marked papers for months. A catalogue of blunders by private contractors and the Government's testing agency were to blame for the Sats fiasco, an inquiry found. Ken Boston, chief executive of the QCA, also resigned after admitting responsibility for the fiasco.
Hazel Blears and expenses: Hazel Blears, the former Communities Secretary, blundered by displaying secret papers relating to MPs expenses as she walked along Downing Street in April last year. Photographers captured on camera a written ministerial statement which she had left on the top of a pile of papers as she left No 10 following a Cabinet meeting.
Terror arrests: Bob Quick, Britain's most senior antiterrorist policeman, resigned last year after making a major security blunder that caused an operation against a suspected al-Qaeda cell to be brought forward. The Assistant Commissioner was photographed entering Downing Street carrying a secret briefing note on which details of the undercover operation – code-named Pathway – could be seen.
More private details 'lost': In August 2008 the Ministry of Justice revealed that it had lost the personal details of 45,000 people, including dates of birth, criminal records, National Insurance numbers and court information.
Public sector pensions blunder: Tens of thousands of retired soldiers, teachers, NHS staff and civil servants employees saw their pensions cut after they were overpaid more than £100 million due to an administrative blunder.
Prison population data: Jacqui Smith, the former Home Secretary, was forced to sack the firm that lost the personal details of the entire prison population. PA Consulting lost the memory stick containing the details of 84,000 prisoners. The Home Office later said the company had its three year contract worth £1.5 million terminated.
'Left' documents and British trains: A series of blunders involving the security services have occurred. In June 2008, top secret documents containing the security services' latest intelligence on the al-Qaeda terror network were left on a commuter train, raising renewed fears over the Government's handling of sensitive data. The two documents include the latest assessments from the Joint Intelligence Committee on al-Qaeda and the situation in Iraq. They are understood to have been left on a train between London and Surrey and later passed to the BBC.
A few days later, another batch of secret government papers, this time detailing policies on terrorism, were found abandoned on a train. The confidential files were left on a train destined for Waterloo station on Wednesday and outline how trade and banking systems can be manipulated to finance illicit weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
While in April last year Andy Burnham, the former Culture Secretary, apologised "unreservedly" for a security breach after he left confidential documents on a train. It was claimed he left the papers, which were marked "restricted", were in a case left behind when the minister arrived on a train from the North at Euston Station. A passenger on the train's next journey recovered the case and handed in to police in Glasgow. They did not
Sats marking fiasco: Millions of students faced chaos over their exams in 2008 after a series of errors meant some schools failed to receive marked papers for months. A catalogue of blunders by private contractors and the Government's testing agency were to blame for the Sats fiasco, an inquiry found. Ken Boston, chief executive of the QCA, also resigned after admitting responsibility for the fiasco.
A Page for Team Eng-er-land, Perhaps?
North Korea's football team has been shamed in a six hour public inquisition and the team's coach has been accused of "betraying" the reclusive leader's heir apparent, following their failure at the World Cup.
The entire squad was forced onto a stage at the People's Palace of Culture and subjected to criticism from Pak Myong-chol, the sports minister, as 400 government officials, students and journalists watched. The players were subjected to a "grand debate" on 2nd July because they failed in their "ideological struggle" to succeed in South Africa, Radio Free Asia and South Korean media reported.
The team's coach, Kim Jong-hun, was reportedly forced to become a builder and has been expelled from the Workers' Party of Korea. The coach was punished for "betraying" Kim Jong-un, one of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il's sons and heir apparent.
However, media in South Korea said the players got off lightly by North Korean standards. A South Korean intelligence source told the Chosun Ilbo newspaper:
The country, in its first World Cup since 1966, lost all three group games– including a 7-0 defeat to Portugal.
The entire squad was forced onto a stage at the People's Palace of Culture and subjected to criticism from Pak Myong-chol, the sports minister, as 400 government officials, students and journalists watched. The players were subjected to a "grand debate" on 2nd July because they failed in their "ideological struggle" to succeed in South Africa, Radio Free Asia and South Korean media reported.
The team's coach, Kim Jong-hun, was reportedly forced to become a builder and has been expelled from the Workers' Party of Korea. The coach was punished for "betraying" Kim Jong-un, one of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il's sons and heir apparent.
However, media in South Korea said the players got off lightly by North Korean standards. A South Korean intelligence source told the Chosun Ilbo newspaper:
"In the past, North Korean athletes and coaches who performed badly were sent to prison camps."
The country, in its first World Cup since 1966, lost all three group games– including a 7-0 defeat to Portugal.
Fick Kids
Exam results released next week are set to show that almost 40% of 11 year olds have failed to hit national targets in reading, writing and mathematics at the end of primary education. It comes despite the fact that children can get good marks with less than half of the correct answers.
More on this depressing subject at TTel.
More on this depressing subject at TTel.
Immoral Decadence
Nicolas Sarkozy's dream of having his own presidential jet to rival America's Air Force One are about to come true with "Air Sarko One", a £150 million aircraft complete with bedroom, air filter system so he can smoke cigars, and a shower.
I couldn't think of a better way for this odious little man to show the rest of the world exactly what a pompous and self important, extravagant and hypocritical social climber he is, but then I spotted this quote further on down the article in TTel. A government spokesman, said:
How delicious, taking pride in being an also ran in fifth spot. :o)
I couldn't think of a better way for this odious little man to show the rest of the world exactly what a pompous and self important, extravagant and hypocritical social climber he is, but then I spotted this quote further on down the article in TTel. A government spokesman, said:
"There is nothing ostentatious, simply a desire to have equipment fitting for the world's fifth power".
How delicious, taking pride in being an also ran in fifth spot. :o)
Half a Dozen
The end point on the number 6 is called the "reference edge."
I wonder what the reverse point on the 9 is called?
I wonder what the reverse point on the 9 is called?
It's Official
The secret to happiness is keeping busy, research has found as keeping the mind occupied with tasks, no matter how meaningless, will stave off negative emotions.
However, the bad news is that humans seem hard-wired to be lazy in order to save energy.
So it's not my fault after all? I'm programmed this way? Excellent. :oD
More at TTel.
However, the bad news is that humans seem hard-wired to be lazy in order to save energy.
So it's not my fault after all? I'm programmed this way? Excellent. :oD
More at TTel.
2012 Tat
London 2012 Olympics' official merchandise for the Olympic and Paralympic Games goes on display in London. Here are some examples from TTel.
There are around 10 000 official items which will be on sale all the way up to 2012 and if this is what most of the stuff looks like, God help you all.
 |
 |
 |
 |
There are around 10 000 official items which will be on sale all the way up to 2012 and if this is what most of the stuff looks like, God help you all.
Fleeced
More than £7.3 billion a year is being “skimmed off” the value of Britons’ savings by City bankers and fund managers, an investigation by TTel has found.
An investor putting £50 000 into a fund providing typical returns over 25 years would lose out on £108 000 because of unnecessary charges, said the former chief executive of Credit Suisse Asset Management.
For more on this, follow the link above.
A range of questionable hidden fees and levies are being deducted from investments, making it difficult for a typical saver to make money from the stock market. Britain’s eight million investors are losing an average of £800 a year each to the hidden levies.
An investor putting £50 000 into a fund providing typical returns over 25 years would lose out on £108 000 because of unnecessary charges, said the former chief executive of Credit Suisse Asset Management.
For more on this, follow the link above.
Left Hand Bend
I'm not entirely convinced by this and reckon it's staged; perfectly defined spokes suggest the bike is not moving and what's his knee resting on? However, this is one cool way to get your knee down.
Staying in the Saddle
Jockey Frank Hayes holds the dubious distinction of being the only jockey to have won a race while dead.
In 1923, he suffered a heart attack mid-race while riding at Belmont Park in New York. By the time the horse, Sweet Kiss (a 20 to 1 long shot) crossed the line in unexpected triumph, Hayes was dead- although he managed to stay in the saddle.
In 1923, he suffered a heart attack mid-race while riding at Belmont Park in New York. By the time the horse, Sweet Kiss (a 20 to 1 long shot) crossed the line in unexpected triumph, Hayes was dead- although he managed to stay in the saddle.
BA's Losses
Not good news for British Airways share holders. A combination of the industrial dispute with the Unite union and the closure of most of European airspace for almost a week in April due to volcanic ash in the air will cost the airline around £250 million over the quarter to June, 2010.
Cabin crew have taken 22 days of strike action since March and further walkouts could take place from September as the unrest lingers on, but chief executive Willie Walsh said the airline had seen an improved operating performance despite the disruptions and BA still expects to break even this year after two years of losses.
Cabin crew have taken 22 days of strike action since March and further walkouts could take place from September as the unrest lingers on, but chief executive Willie Walsh said the airline had seen an improved operating performance despite the disruptions and BA still expects to break even this year after two years of losses.
Prove It
A shopper was refused service when he tried to buy a bottle of cider, despite being 67 and showing staff his free bus pass and offering them his birth certificate. He said:
A snotty jobsworth trotted out the usual load of bollocks by saying that Harlow Council required staff at the One Stop shop to ask for photo ID on all alcohol sales.
What a sad example of common sense failure.
"I don’t have a passport or a driving licence and when you get to my age you don’t really expect to be asked for either when buying alcohol."
A snotty jobsworth trotted out the usual load of bollocks by saying that Harlow Council required staff at the One Stop shop to ask for photo ID on all alcohol sales.
What a sad example of common sense failure.
More Fluff
A poll of 20 000 consumers has found the average Apple iPad owner is a self-centred workaholic who doesn't care about others.
The "study" looked at what type of person is likely to have bought the £429-£699 Apple device, and what characteristics they share. It was found that people who were wealthy, highly educated, sophisticated and selfish were six times more likely to own an iPad.
It sounds like there are a lot of jealous people around. Who cares what type of phone one uses? Try not using a phone to stand out.
The "study" looked at what type of person is likely to have bought the £429-£699 Apple device, and what characteristics they share. It was found that people who were wealthy, highly educated, sophisticated and selfish were six times more likely to own an iPad.
It sounds like there are a lot of jealous people around. Who cares what type of phone one uses? Try not using a phone to stand out.
No Poo, Poirot
Men are more likely to be involved in a car accident over the summer- because they're distracted by scantily-clad women, it has been found. Men made 16.4% more car insurance claims during the summer than women.
25% of blurks also admitted to having had a summertime crash at some point in the past and being more prone to road rage in hot weather. However it isn't just the rising temperature getting men hot under the collar, it's also what women are wearing.
29% of men say they are distracted by women's summer attire while only 3% of women say the same, which is understandable- socks and sandals, ladies?
I'm more puzzled at the reason for this poll? A foregone conclusion right from the off.
25% of blurks also admitted to having had a summertime crash at some point in the past and being more prone to road rage in hot weather. However it isn't just the rising temperature getting men hot under the collar, it's also what women are wearing.
29% of men say they are distracted by women's summer attire while only 3% of women say the same, which is understandable- socks and sandals, ladies?
I'm more puzzled at the reason for this poll? A foregone conclusion right from the off.
UB40 Revamp
Government to introduce ’single’ benefit payment, what do you think?
All out-of-work benefits and tax credits could be scrapped and replaced with a single payment as part of a “radical” shake-up of the welfare system, according to Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith.One of the options under consideration is to combine elements of the current income-related benefits and tax credit systems, bringing the 50 or so out-of-work and in-work benefits into a single “universal credit”.
We sent our reporters out onto the street to find out what you thought about the introduction of a single benefit payment.
| | |
 | “I wish this Government would stop simplifying everything, and just bite the bullet and get a Chancellor capable of understanding all the numbers just as they are.” Jane Williams, Activist |
| | |
 | “A single payment sounds good. Especially if they push through plans to award it only to people who’ve been out of work for seventy-five years and are accompanied by both parents.” Tim Taylor, Accountant |
| | |
 | “So let me get this straight, under the new system I’ll only have to lie about my circumstances ONCE? Where’s the catch?” David Knowles, Cash Operator |
| | |
 | “Well one payment sounds lovely, so long as that one payment is really, really, big. I’ll admit it’s been a hassle collecting twenty or thirty small ones each week on my way to the bookies.” Audrey James, Gambler |
Nearly Metro
BRITAIN'S newest high street bank has promised not to pretend to be your friend.
FuckYouScum has promised 'an honest approach to bank-vermin relations', offering accounts with names like Dog, Pleb and Scum Plus, as well as an offset mortgage called Your Stupid Bovine Greed Will Destroy You.
A spokesman said: "Our contempt towards customers is openly expressed. It saves us money on colourful leaflets with pictures of cartoon families driving charabancs and avuncular staff who ask you where you're going on your shitty fucking holiday.
"We then use this money to buy beautiful things for our favourite whores."
He added: "If you ring us and we decide to answer the phone, we won't then send you numerous text messages asking for your 'feedback'. We couldn't give a dead hyena's rotting scrotum what you 'fink', you illiterate sack of shit.
"Our only promise to you is that we will have a fantastic time with the unfathomable amounts of money we shall make from your pointless, constantly overdrawn, hand-to-mouth so-called life.
"We will have massive boats, elegant cars, and helicopters stuffed with delicious truffles and the kind of heartbreakingly beautiful Russian prostitutes who would have been married to handsome fairytale princes in a world less wretchedly evil than the one we have deliberately created.
"And if you try to steal our pens, we'll shoot you right in the fucking heart."
Teacher, Roy Hobbs, said: "What a breath of fresh air. My current bank manager acts like my friend, but I don't think he is. I think he wants to open up my chest with a bowie knife, rip out my lungs and eat them in front of me while his staff sit around pretending to run a radio station.
"Plus, they never have any pens."
A spokesman said: "Our contempt towards customers is openly expressed. It saves us money on colourful leaflets with pictures of cartoon families driving charabancs and avuncular staff who ask you where you're going on your shitty fucking holiday.
"We then use this money to buy beautiful things for our favourite whores."
He added: "If you ring us and we decide to answer the phone, we won't then send you numerous text messages asking for your 'feedback'. We couldn't give a dead hyena's rotting scrotum what you 'fink', you illiterate sack of shit.
"Our only promise to you is that we will have a fantastic time with the unfathomable amounts of money we shall make from your pointless, constantly overdrawn, hand-to-mouth so-called life.
"We will have massive boats, elegant cars, and helicopters stuffed with delicious truffles and the kind of heartbreakingly beautiful Russian prostitutes who would have been married to handsome fairytale princes in a world less wretchedly evil than the one we have deliberately created.
"And if you try to steal our pens, we'll shoot you right in the fucking heart."
Teacher, Roy Hobbs, said: "What a breath of fresh air. My current bank manager acts like my friend, but I don't think he is. I think he wants to open up my chest with a bowie knife, rip out my lungs and eat them in front of me while his staff sit around pretending to run a radio station.
"Plus, they never have any pens."
DMash.
Busted
A man listed as the oldest living male in Tokyo died some 30 years ago, city officials said after his body was found mummified in his bed. Full story at TTel.
DMash.
THE relatives pocketing the pension of a Japanese man who had been dead in his bed for 30 years were last night asked exactly how they thought this was going to pan out.
Sogen Kato was thought to be the oldest man in Tokyo until local officials offered him a piece of cake to celebrate his 111th birthday and his nose fell off.
A Tokyo City council spokesman said: "The grand-daughter picked up the nose and tried to stick it back on saying, 'oh, it does that all the time, doesn't it grandad?'.
"We then noticed a couple of other clues. One, he'd been very quiet since we arrived, and two, he didn't have any eyes.
"But it was only when we all shouted 'Mr Kato, we have cake for you' as loud as we could that we realised he was probably dead."
Helen Archer, some opinionated cow from Hatfield, said: "At which birthday were they going to stop. The 135th? The 190th?
"Or perhaps he was to be passed down through the generations, each one pocketing the pension of the unbelievably old man with the detachable nose.
"You can really only do Weekend at Bernie's with a brand new corpse. If you try and do it with a skeletal mummy that's 30 years-old someone is eventually going to twig."
And Bill McKay, some arse from York, said: "If you try and make out that your grandad is still going strong at 135 then somebody in the pension office is going to notice that and there's a good chance they're then going to phone the Guinness Book of Records.
"They are then going to turn up with a photographer and the expectation of a pulse. And even though old Norris McWhirter has long since passed, those boys are no chumps. They verify old people's ages all the time and they've gotten very good at telling whether or not someone's incredibly dead."
He added: "They could at least have bunged him in the fridge or hired a ventriloquist."
A Tokyo City council spokesman said: "The grand-daughter picked up the nose and tried to stick it back on saying, 'oh, it does that all the time, doesn't it grandad?'.
"We then noticed a couple of other clues. One, he'd been very quiet since we arrived, and two, he didn't have any eyes.
"But it was only when we all shouted 'Mr Kato, we have cake for you' as loud as we could that we realised he was probably dead."
Helen Archer, some opinionated cow from Hatfield, said: "At which birthday were they going to stop. The 135th? The 190th?
"Or perhaps he was to be passed down through the generations, each one pocketing the pension of the unbelievably old man with the detachable nose.
"You can really only do Weekend at Bernie's with a brand new corpse. If you try and do it with a skeletal mummy that's 30 years-old someone is eventually going to twig."
And Bill McKay, some arse from York, said: "If you try and make out that your grandad is still going strong at 135 then somebody in the pension office is going to notice that and there's a good chance they're then going to phone the Guinness Book of Records.
"They are then going to turn up with a photographer and the expectation of a pulse. And even though old Norris McWhirter has long since passed, those boys are no chumps. They verify old people's ages all the time and they've gotten very good at telling whether or not someone's incredibly dead."
He added: "They could at least have bunged him in the fridge or hired a ventriloquist."
DMash.
New Old Faces
The night market bar has completed its revamp and is now in full swing. Very busy and much brighter with more seating space, I feel the music is still too loud to have a reasonable audible level of conversation, but it's a minor quibble and as mentioned we all had a good time.
However, one of the observations is that many of the old staff seem to have disappeared and a lot of new faces have taken their place. Happily it must only have been a temporary things as the usual crew were back in place, including Charlie, who was sporting a new look crew cut. He usually has much longer hair but this was nearly as short as mine.
Turns out his two week absence was down to a stint in local chokey (ask no questions, blah, blah, blah) and they insist on offering all holiday makers a free short back and sides. :o)
Welcome back, C- you've been missed.
However, one of the observations is that many of the old staff seem to have disappeared and a lot of new faces have taken their place. Happily it must only have been a temporary things as the usual crew were back in place, including Charlie, who was sporting a new look crew cut. He usually has much longer hair but this was nearly as short as mine.
Turns out his two week absence was down to a stint in local chokey (ask no questions, blah, blah, blah) and they insist on offering all holiday makers a free short back and sides. :o)
Welcome back, C- you've been missed.
That's That Then
Following on from my survival of a full Thai massage at the Imm Fusion, wifey suggested we visit a local establishment to have a foot massage.
This is something I have long avoided because I am more than ticklish and squirm around if a third party even glances certain parts of my bulging anatomy but I was assured it was all good and definitely worth the experience. And at only THB 100 for the hour (around two quid) it is as ever, great value.
We picked a parlour at random and took our seats and shortly we were having our feet washed in warm water, which was slightly embarrassing but also decadent. The next 45 minutes were then spent almost trying to take my lower appendages off my body as this bruiser (aye, she were a hefty lass) must have got out of bed the wrong side.
I'd managed to stay in control during the ordeal, even only slightly giggle when tickled (the entire shop loved that) but I have to say it was not a pleasurable experience. Compared to the previous day's professional massage at the hotel, this was crude, violent and at times, almost dangerous.
The best way I can describe it is when you are about to take a pillion out for their first ride on a big bike. The newbie is rightfully nervous and just wants to get through the ride in one piece. Usually, the rider will calm them down, explain what they are going to feel (G force, leaning into bends etcetera) and ask them to do certain things to keep everything smooth.
Unfortunately there are also riders who think this is the ideal time to scare the living bejesus out of the rookie passenger and after calmly bimbling to the top of the road, they will red line the bike and be hammering into three figure speeds in less than two seconds.
This results in a putting off the pillion from motorcycling for life, all because of some stupid show off who thinks this is hilarious. It isn't. Ever.
Sorry, have I taken a tangent? Back to the tale.
It was after the legs were well and truly immobilised and quivering wrecks, when she turned her attention to the neck and shoulders. Sorry- what's this got to do with a foot massage- lady, try the other end...
The YTS butcher attacked my neck with her elbows and began to crush almost every part of it whilst working up such a sweat that wouldn't have looked out of place in a sauna. This was getting serious and I was in real agony.
I have never come as close to hitting a woman in my life but I was so near to breaking that, I swear I would have laid her out with one punch. It was all I could do to get through this torture without screaming..
I won't bore you with further details as I am trying to block out this miserable experience from my mind, but rest assured I will never set foot in that place again and I am not even sure if I will ever try another massage again. I have been put off for a long, long times, because for some strange reason, the masseuse fancied showing off and ruined what should have been a bit of fun and a rewarding experience.
Most of my posts are light hearted and rarely serious; this is one of the exceptions and I am still unable to move freely. I was definitely not impressed. :-(
This is something I have long avoided because I am more than ticklish and squirm around if a third party even glances certain parts of my bulging anatomy but I was assured it was all good and definitely worth the experience. And at only THB 100 for the hour (around two quid) it is as ever, great value.
We picked a parlour at random and took our seats and shortly we were having our feet washed in warm water, which was slightly embarrassing but also decadent. The next 45 minutes were then spent almost trying to take my lower appendages off my body as this bruiser (aye, she were a hefty lass) must have got out of bed the wrong side.
I'd managed to stay in control during the ordeal, even only slightly giggle when tickled (the entire shop loved that) but I have to say it was not a pleasurable experience. Compared to the previous day's professional massage at the hotel, this was crude, violent and at times, almost dangerous.
The best way I can describe it is when you are about to take a pillion out for their first ride on a big bike. The newbie is rightfully nervous and just wants to get through the ride in one piece. Usually, the rider will calm them down, explain what they are going to feel (G force, leaning into bends etcetera) and ask them to do certain things to keep everything smooth.
Unfortunately there are also riders who think this is the ideal time to scare the living bejesus out of the rookie passenger and after calmly bimbling to the top of the road, they will red line the bike and be hammering into three figure speeds in less than two seconds.
This results in a putting off the pillion from motorcycling for life, all because of some stupid show off who thinks this is hilarious. It isn't. Ever.
Sorry, have I taken a tangent? Back to the tale.
It was after the legs were well and truly immobilised and quivering wrecks, when she turned her attention to the neck and shoulders. Sorry- what's this got to do with a foot massage- lady, try the other end...
The YTS butcher attacked my neck with her elbows and began to crush almost every part of it whilst working up such a sweat that wouldn't have looked out of place in a sauna. This was getting serious and I was in real agony.
I have never come as close to hitting a woman in my life but I was so near to breaking that, I swear I would have laid her out with one punch. It was all I could do to get through this torture without screaming..
I won't bore you with further details as I am trying to block out this miserable experience from my mind, but rest assured I will never set foot in that place again and I am not even sure if I will ever try another massage again. I have been put off for a long, long times, because for some strange reason, the masseuse fancied showing off and ruined what should have been a bit of fun and a rewarding experience.
Most of my posts are light hearted and rarely serious; this is one of the exceptions and I am still unable to move freely. I was definitely not impressed. :-(
Travelling Wilburys
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but this album has got to rate as one of my all time favourites. Not a duff track amongst the options, top drawer, professional musicians and every time I listen to it, it never fails to have me warbling along and clearing out rooms.
Do yourselves a favour and get hold of a copy- you won't regret it.
Some more stuff on them here: TW
Do yourselves a favour and get hold of a copy- you won't regret it.
Some more stuff on them here: TW
Quote/Unquote
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr Seuss
Good Night Out
We met up with Ross and a new chap, Jim, who has been living here for around ten years and is currently teaching. He's also a writer and all round good guy and we all had a marvellous time batting the breeze and putting the world to right.
Rather incredibly he's been on the wagon for five months but decided to re-join the human race last night and we saw off a few jugs of Tiger between us. Top night.
Rather incredibly he's been on the wagon for five months but decided to re-join the human race last night and we saw off a few jugs of Tiger between us. Top night.
Benefits of Living in a Hotel
Another in a long series of "once in a whiles", yet another advantage of living in a hotel.
Remote control batteries.
Who cares if and when your remote goes down, just take it to Reception and hey presto, instant battery change without having to search through drawers or queue up at 7-11.
Remote control batteries.
Who cares if and when your remote goes down, just take it to Reception and hey presto, instant battery change without having to search through drawers or queue up at 7-11.
Friday, 30 July 2010
Double Up for Dumpies
Overweight air passengers should be made to pay for an extra seat on flights, a survey of holidaymakers has indicated. Men were more concerned than women about obese fellow travellers, the poll of 6 000 people by price comparison site TravelSpec.com found. As many as 75% of men and 68% of women believed that overweight passengers should pay double.
Lack of space on a flight was the biggest bone of contention for travellers, with 32% complaining about inadequate leg room and mobility while flying and it was also found that babies crying and restless passengers were also aggravating for UK travellers. Asked who they would least like to sit next to on a flight, 67% said people with body odour.
However, despite reported discomfort while flying, only 13% of those polled said they would pay to upgrade to first class.
From TTel.
Lack of space on a flight was the biggest bone of contention for travellers, with 32% complaining about inadequate leg room and mobility while flying and it was also found that babies crying and restless passengers were also aggravating for UK travellers. Asked who they would least like to sit next to on a flight, 67% said people with body odour.
However, despite reported discomfort while flying, only 13% of those polled said they would pay to upgrade to first class.
From TTel.
Point at Whitey
Holidaymakers travelling through Gatwick Airport during the final week of July can take advantage of a free professional spray tan before they board their flight. Tanning booths will be located in both terminals from 28th July until 1st August; the idea being to help Britons feel more comfortable about their fair complexions.
Why not just wear ski kit and a balaclava to the beach then?
Why not just wear ski kit and a balaclava to the beach then?
River Thames Hotels
If you've money to burn and want to see the Thames from your hotel window, check out four that TTel suggests will suit:
Located a minute’s walk from the London Eye and two minutes from the Houses of Parliament, this 1,021-room hotel is an ideal base for a sightseeing weekend in London. While not directly on the river, the hotel has uninterrupted views of Westminster Bridge. More than half the rooms have their own kitchenettes, and 27 have outdoor terraces (these rooms will open shortly).
There’s also a brasserie-style restaurant, a sushi bar, coffee shop and an eight-treatment-room spa with a swimming-pool and gym. While rooms with river views cannot be guaranteed, you can request one; and here’s a tip – any room with the number 69 in it will have a river view (269, 369 etc). From floors two to seven, you can see Westminster Bridge, Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament; from floors eight to 12, you will see the river, too.
The details Doubles from £139 (0844-415 6780; parkplaza.com/london).
Aside from spacious, atmospheric bedrooms, several with four-posters and each named after a poem written by its previous inhabitants, the hotel has an excellent seasonal British restaurant housed in an opulent dining-room with a riverside balcony for alfresco dining. It was recently awarded its first Michelin star and the executive chef, Shay Cooper, is one to watch.
There’s also a double-height drawing-room bar open 24 hours for hotel guests, and a walled garden where Sunday lunch is often served on fine days. Seven bedrooms overlook the river – for the best view ask for Baudelaire. The Bingham is an ideal accessible escape for Londoners in need of a breather without actually leaving town.
The details Doubles from £190 (020-8940 0902; thebingham.co.uk).
A sensitive restoration has preserved many original features, such as the iron safe, oak reception desk, exposed wooden beams and iron pillars, to which classic Hotel du Vin design features such as deep indigo walls and cosy velvet sofas have been added. Each bedroom is named after a celebrated wine house, and for cracking views of the river, treat yourself to one of the hotel’s six suites, each of which has its own outdoor terrace with hot tub.
There’s also the Champagne Bar with a cosy snug, the signature Parisian-style Bistro with a substantial wine cellar, the Cigar and Billiard Room and three private dining-rooms. The 12-seater Bateau du Vin, moored two minutes from the hotel, is available all year round (£200 for the first hour and £100 for every subsequent hour, regardless of numbers).
The details Doubles from £145, although better deals are usually available when booking online (01491-848400; hotelduvin.com).
Today, replete with original Great Hall and roaring fire, Cliveden is one of England’s finest country house hotels. It has 39 individually designed bedrooms, three restaurants and the Pavilion Spa, which is set within a walled garden and has heated indoor and outdoor pools and Canadian hot tubs.
The Thames slices along the edge of the estate, where the boathouse is home to a fleet of lovingly restored vintage launches, all available for cruising. For complete seclusion in a woodland setting right on the river, a 10-minute walk from the main house is Spring Cottage, which sleeps up to six people and comes with its own private butler. Its guests can also make use of a private boat and car on request.
The details Classic doubles from £280; Spring Cottage from £616 (01628-668561; clivedenhouse.co.uk).
I'm sorry but at those prices I could almost live in Bangkok for a week- including food.
 |
Park Plaza Westminster Bridge - London
After years of having to look at a monstrous office block at the centre of the roundabout just south of Westminster Bridge, we now have something new and infinitely nicer to consider – the futuristic, cylinder-shaped Park Plaza Westminster Bridge Hotel.Located a minute’s walk from the London Eye and two minutes from the Houses of Parliament, this 1,021-room hotel is an ideal base for a sightseeing weekend in London. While not directly on the river, the hotel has uninterrupted views of Westminster Bridge. More than half the rooms have their own kitchenettes, and 27 have outdoor terraces (these rooms will open shortly).
There’s also a brasserie-style restaurant, a sushi bar, coffee shop and an eight-treatment-room spa with a swimming-pool and gym. While rooms with river views cannot be guaranteed, you can request one; and here’s a tip – any room with the number 69 in it will have a river view (269, 369 etc). From floors two to seven, you can see Westminster Bridge, Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament; from floors eight to 12, you will see the river, too.
The details Doubles from £139 (0844-415 6780; parkplaza.com/london).
 |
The Bingham - Richmond
This stylish hotel inhabits two Grade II listed townhouses built in 1740 in the heart of Richmond. After a colourful history during which it housed poets and an artists’ commune, among other things, it was bought by the Trinder family in 1984. They ran it as a B&B until 2008 when they dramatically refurbished and relaunched it as a contemporary 15-room town house hotel.Aside from spacious, atmospheric bedrooms, several with four-posters and each named after a poem written by its previous inhabitants, the hotel has an excellent seasonal British restaurant housed in an opulent dining-room with a riverside balcony for alfresco dining. It was recently awarded its first Michelin star and the executive chef, Shay Cooper, is one to watch.
There’s also a double-height drawing-room bar open 24 hours for hotel guests, and a walled garden where Sunday lunch is often served on fine days. Seven bedrooms overlook the river – for the best view ask for Baudelaire. The Bingham is an ideal accessible escape for Londoners in need of a breather without actually leaving town.
The details Doubles from £190 (020-8940 0902; thebingham.co.uk).
 |
Hotel du Vin - Henley-on-Thames
In the utterly original setting of the 300-year-old Georgian-fronted Brakspear Brewery, one of Henley’s most historically significant buildings, the 43-room Hotel du Vin sits right on the river and inhabits a series of listed buildings encircling the old brewery courtyard.A sensitive restoration has preserved many original features, such as the iron safe, oak reception desk, exposed wooden beams and iron pillars, to which classic Hotel du Vin design features such as deep indigo walls and cosy velvet sofas have been added. Each bedroom is named after a celebrated wine house, and for cracking views of the river, treat yourself to one of the hotel’s six suites, each of which has its own outdoor terrace with hot tub.
There’s also the Champagne Bar with a cosy snug, the signature Parisian-style Bistro with a substantial wine cellar, the Cigar and Billiard Room and three private dining-rooms. The 12-seater Bateau du Vin, moored two minutes from the hotel, is available all year round (£200 for the first hour and £100 for every subsequent hour, regardless of numbers).
The details Doubles from £145, although better deals are usually available when booking online (01491-848400; hotelduvin.com).
 |
Cliveden - Taplow, Maidenhead
A grand Italianate mansion set within a beautiful 376-acre estate amid Berkshire countryside, Cliveden has welcomed every British monarch since George I and was also famously owned by the Astors. Forty-nine years ago this month, John Profumo, the Secretary of State for War, met the call girl Christine Keeler at a house party there.Today, replete with original Great Hall and roaring fire, Cliveden is one of England’s finest country house hotels. It has 39 individually designed bedrooms, three restaurants and the Pavilion Spa, which is set within a walled garden and has heated indoor and outdoor pools and Canadian hot tubs.
The Thames slices along the edge of the estate, where the boathouse is home to a fleet of lovingly restored vintage launches, all available for cruising. For complete seclusion in a woodland setting right on the river, a 10-minute walk from the main house is Spring Cottage, which sleeps up to six people and comes with its own private butler. Its guests can also make use of a private boat and car on request.
The details Classic doubles from £280; Spring Cottage from £616 (01628-668561; clivedenhouse.co.uk).
I'm sorry but at those prices I could almost live in Bangkok for a week- including food.
Getting Duffed Up
Couples seeking fertility treatment can be bombarded with contradictory advice on how best to conceive, but half of the battle is separating science from old wives' tales. TTel takes a look:
Best tip? Don't have kids in the first place.
Boxers vs Briefs
One of the most commonly feted pearls of wisdom relating to fertility is that a man should wear boxer shorts rather than briefs to boost his sexual potency.
The circulation of air around the reproductive organs, it is suggested, boosts sperm production by preventing the area from overheating – an idea dismissed out of hand as a myth by fertility experts.
Herbs or hoaxes?
Natural remedy enthusiasts claim a whole host of herbs can enhance one's fertility, from the humble stinging nettle to the aptly-named Dong Quai, a Chinese plant that supposedly improves the chances of embryo implantation.
Other remedies suggested by advocates of alternative medicine, which many mothers swear by, include False Unicorn Root, which allegedly stimulates ovulation, and Raspberry Leaf, which is claimed to "tone" the uterus.
Grapefruit juice
Grapefruit juice is said to have a thinning effect on cervical mucus in the same way that cough syrup clears the throat, therefore clearing the sperm's passage to the egg.
Clinical evidence to support this notion may be somewhat lacking, but the juice is high in vitamins so it's a winner either way.
Raising the bottom
One tip offered to desperate would-be-mothers is that they should lie back and lift their bottom into the air following sex, to increase the chance of sperm fertilising the egg.
This myth comes unhinged due to the fact sperm cells are chemically programmed to travel in the right direction, and any that need a push in the right direction are unlikely to be of much use.
Wooden penis
A Japanese ritual carried out in the fertility festival of Hounen Matsuri sees townspeople parade through the streets carrying a gigantic wooden phallus.
Traditional wisdom said this would increase the residents' fertility as well as helping crops grow, and the appeal of running amok with a giant wooden penis has ensured that the ceremony is still performed today.
Best tip? Don't have kids in the first place.
Ugg is Certainly the Correct Word
The ensemble features high-heeled Ugg boots, a brown one piece swimming costume hand-painted by an Aboriginal artist and a lamb's wool shrug. The mess is then topped off by a voluminous flamenco-inspired rainbow skirt.
Perhaps the designer mistook her brief and thought it was a Halloween costume she was meant to run up? It's utterly hideous. :o)
No Pints of This
A Dutch brewer has created a 120 proof beer (60% alcohol by volume) beating BrewDog's recent (55% ABV) bid to create the world's strongest brew.
Nijboer's Almere-based brewery, 't Koelschip (The Refrigerated Ship), sells the new beer, which is dubbed "Start the Future", in a one-third litre bottle for 35€ (£29) each.
So not only stronger but also miles cheaper- the Scots want £500 per bottle for their efforts.
TTel.
Nijboer's Almere-based brewery, 't Koelschip (The Refrigerated Ship), sells the new beer, which is dubbed "Start the Future", in a one-third litre bottle for 35€ (£29) each.
So not only stronger but also miles cheaper- the Scots want £500 per bottle for their efforts.
TTel.
Last and Certainly Least
London drivers face major delays during the Olympics as key routes will be blocked to the public, it has been revealed by London's Mayor. He warned the city to expect congestion as he unveiled plans for special “VIP” lanes for Olympic traffic.
Drivers will be banned from the lanes on routes through the West End in a bid to get athletes and organisers to the 2012 site on time, and at least 60 miles of roads, including parts of the Embankment, will have priority lanes for officially accredited Olympic vehicles only. The lanes, typically operating between 06:00 and 00:00 will form part of 104-mile network in the capital during the weeks of the Olympics.
That's going to be fun for the locals.
Drivers will be banned from the lanes on routes through the West End in a bid to get athletes and organisers to the 2012 site on time, and at least 60 miles of roads, including parts of the Embankment, will have priority lanes for officially accredited Olympic vehicles only. The lanes, typically operating between 06:00 and 00:00 will form part of 104-mile network in the capital during the weeks of the Olympics.
That's going to be fun for the locals.
Raising the Ale
Quarterly beer sales are up on a year ago for the first time in four years, with the warm English weather and the World Cup thought to be responsible for the 2.9% increase. This is the first like-for-like quarterly rise since the second quarter of 2006, according to the latest UK Quarterly Beer Barometer.
Pub beer sales were down 6.3% on the same period in 2009, but sales in supermarkets and shops rose by 13.7% in the second quarter, with year-on-year sales also up by 4.4%. The beer market is down year on year by 1.4%- a significant slowdown in the rate of decline and the best result since the second quarter of 2006.
Good for drinkers of ale but not so hot for pubs.
Pub beer sales were down 6.3% on the same period in 2009, but sales in supermarkets and shops rose by 13.7% in the second quarter, with year-on-year sales also up by 4.4%. The beer market is down year on year by 1.4%- a significant slowdown in the rate of decline and the best result since the second quarter of 2006.
Good for drinkers of ale but not so hot for pubs.
Worth the Wait
It's not quite apparent at first why this is one hell of a penalty, but wait until you see the first replay. Not bad for under 19s...
More on London's Bikes
From the Standard:
Bo-Jo has warned that his flagship bike hire scheme faces a rash of problems when it launches, after it was found that cyclists faced a shortage of bikes and problems returning them to the “docking stations”.
TfL has admitted that more than around 1 300 of the 6 000 “Boris bikes” will not be ready for hire when the scheme starts and further research also suggests that around 3 000 of the claimed 10 200 docking points will not be built in time. Insisting that it would prove a “great success” in the long run, Bo-Jo said:
Standard reporters spent three days this week looking for docking stations being installed by TfL's contractor Serco. Of 374 sites on TfL's official cycle hire map:
* 284 docking stations appeared to be complete.
* 34 were being built.
* No work had been done at 56 sites.
TfL today said it hoped to have 330 docking stations working providing “around 8 000” docking points, while Serco have began installing the vandal-resistant bikes in their stations but they cannot be ridden until the launch.
The Mayor said he was further concerned that thousands of people who have registered have failed to realise they must activate their electronic key. Not doing so means it will be impossible to release the Canadian-built bikes from their dock. About 10 410 people have applied for 12 451 £3 electronic keys but only 4 026 have been activated.
The cost of the bikes equates to around “£800 or £900” each, once taxpayer investment and £25 million of sponsorship from Barclays was taken into account and Bo-Jo added:
Q & A
Bo-Jo has warned that his flagship bike hire scheme faces a rash of problems when it launches, after it was found that cyclists faced a shortage of bikes and problems returning them to the “docking stations”.
TfL has admitted that more than around 1 300 of the 6 000 “Boris bikes” will not be ready for hire when the scheme starts and further research also suggests that around 3 000 of the claimed 10 200 docking points will not be built in time. Insisting that it would prove a “great success” in the long run, Bo-Jo said:
“I have no doubt lots of things will go wrong. The reality is that the software issues and technical issues of getting the whole thing up and running for tomorrow has been extremely difficult.
I think tomorrow is going to be fine. It will be more of a gradual launch than a big bang. I have so many concerns it's hard to pick one out.”
Standard reporters spent three days this week looking for docking stations being installed by TfL's contractor Serco. Of 374 sites on TfL's official cycle hire map:
* 284 docking stations appeared to be complete.
* 34 were being built.
* No work had been done at 56 sites.
TfL today said it hoped to have 330 docking stations working providing “around 8 000” docking points, while Serco have began installing the vandal-resistant bikes in their stations but they cannot be ridden until the launch.
The Mayor said he was further concerned that thousands of people who have registered have failed to realise they must activate their electronic key. Not doing so means it will be impossible to release the Canadian-built bikes from their dock. About 10 410 people have applied for 12 451 £3 electronic keys but only 4 026 have been activated.
The cost of the bikes equates to around “£800 or £900” each, once taxpayer investment and £25 million of sponsorship from Barclays was taken into account and Bo-Jo added:
“It's a lot of dosh for a bike, no question about it, but it will come down as the scheme expands."
Q & A
Can anyone hire a bike?
Not yet. Only registered users — those who have signed up on TfL's website and received an electronic key in the post — will be able to remove a bike from a docking station. Unregistered casual users will only be able to hire bikes from the end of next month (simply by inserting a credit card in one of the docking station terminals). TfL is warning riders that the electronic keys have to be activated — by logging on to TfL's website or calling 0845 026 3630 — or they won't work.
How much will it cost?
There is a two-stage charging system. First, the rider needs to pay an access fee — £1 for one day, £5 for a week or £45 for a year — plus a further £3 for the electronic key. Inserting the key in a docking station releases a bike, and the first half-hour of cycling is free. Hire charges are levied after 30 minutes — £1 to cycle for up to an hour in total, £4 for 90 minutes and £6 for two hours. The clock stops on the charging when the bike is re-docked.
When will I be charged?
Registered users will have the charges deducted from their bank account. Casual users will have them charged to their credit card.
Is there a way to cycle for free?
Almost. A £45 annual subscription works out at 12p a day. Cyclists can then avoid further charges by never cycling for longer than 30 minutes at a time. Those wanting to cycle for longer can “leapfrog” their way across central London by docking their bike, waiting five minutes and taking it out again for another “free” 30 minutes (or taking another bike).
What happens if I can't re-dock the bike?
Riders who find that all the docking points are already taken should use the touch screen display on their nearest terminal to get an extra free 15 minutes to find another docking station. Anybody who fails to return a Borisbike for 24 hours will be charged £150. Failure to return it at all costs £300.
What happens if the bike is broken?
Press the button with the spanner symbol when you return it to a docking station. A mechanic will then come to repair it. In Paris, cyclists alert each other to faulty bikes by turning the saddle the wrong way round.
How does the Boris bike scheme compare to Paris?
Paris's Vélib scheme began in 2007 and is much bigger, with around 22,000 bikes (London will start with 6,000). London's scheme is almost a direct copy of the Montreal scheme.
Getting on One's Bike
More than 9 000 people have signed up to London’s first self-service cycle scheme, which launches today.
The Barclays Cycle Hire, which will be launched by London mayor Bo-Jo will allow people to hire bicycles stored at docking points around the city. For the first four weeks of the scheme, registered members can use the bikes but from the beginning of September they will be available on a pay-as-you-cycle basis.
Docking stations and hire bicycles will be available in Camden, City of London, Hackney, Islington, Lambeth, Kensington and Chelsea, Southwark, Tower Hamlets, Westminster and several of the Royal Parks.
Loads of Gadgies
The population will jump to 77 million by the middle of the century in the UK, with France, which has more than double Britain’s land area, in second place with 70 million inhabitants.
Germany, currently the EU’s biggest country with 81.6 million people, will see its population slump to 71.5 million, owing to low birth rates, fewer immigrants and ageing population.
The figures from the Population Reference Bureau also show the world population will hit 7 billion next year- just 12 years after it reached 6 billion.
Germany, currently the EU’s biggest country with 81.6 million people, will see its population slump to 71.5 million, owing to low birth rates, fewer immigrants and ageing population.
The figures from the Population Reference Bureau also show the world population will hit 7 billion next year- just 12 years after it reached 6 billion.
Marked for Life
Shy, Unity and Bean are just some of the more unusual names British parents have given their children over the past 10 years. Other "unique" names in the list include Zowie, Puppy and Ice.
There are also a handful of unusual hippy-style names such as Stone, Gift, Heaven and Echo, while the fashion world might have inspired the names Denim, Diesel and Armani.
I don't think most are actually that bad, although Puppy is loathsome. If they wanted a dog, they could have bought one.
There are also a handful of unusual hippy-style names such as Stone, Gift, Heaven and Echo, while the fashion world might have inspired the names Denim, Diesel and Armani.
I don't think most are actually that bad, although Puppy is loathsome. If they wanted a dog, they could have bought one.
Great Job
An American newspaper has hired a marijuana critic who is paid to get high and write about his experiences like a restaurant reviewer.
The Denver Westword will run a regular column by "William Breathes" as he goes around reviewing local medical marijuana dispensaries. The writer will offer his insight into the quality of service and the quality of the marijuana served.
In Colorado, where medical was legalised 10 years ago, more than 100 000 have applied for medical marijuana licenses, including the critic who suffers from chronic stomach pains.
The Denver Westword will run a regular column by "William Breathes" as he goes around reviewing local medical marijuana dispensaries. The writer will offer his insight into the quality of service and the quality of the marijuana served.
In Colorado, where medical was legalised 10 years ago, more than 100 000 have applied for medical marijuana licenses, including the critic who suffers from chronic stomach pains.
Sounds About Right
The Department of Defense is unable to account for the use of $8.7 billion of the $9.1 billion it spent on reconstruction in Iraq.
Source: Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction (PDF)
You're Still Fat
Obese individuals everywhere have reacted with shock after England’s public health minister Anne Milton told doctors to start informing patients they are also ‘fat’, a connection very few obese people had previously made.
The idea is expected to reap huge benefits among those who do not know what obese means, do not own a dictionary, or never give in to the creeping desire to look up a doctor’s diagnosis on the Internet.
One such individual, nineteen stone Shelly Walters, 28, told us, “Are you now telling me I am fat? When the doctor told me I was morbidly obese I thought he was just saying I was big-boned. I had absolutely no idea.”
“Thank God Mrs Milton has brought this into the public domain, I thought obese was just a quicker was of saying ‘of bubbly personality’.”
Dave Williams, a rotund man from Brighton told us, “I was diagnosed as clinically obese back in 2004, but I was pretty sure it was some sort of genetic disorder. And if it’s genetic there’s nothing you can do about it, right?”
“No, I’ve not changed my diet. Why?”
Obesity
Mrs. Milton is today also expected to tell psychiatrists that they should top using the term ‘mentally ill’ and return to using more commonly understood phrases like ‘raving nutjob’ and ‘gurning lunatic’.
Retired GP Gerald Davies had the last word, telling reporters, “Let’s be honest, if we lose a few people who don’t know that obese and fat mean the same thing, then is society really going to suffer all that much?”
“I mean, we’re unlikely to be losing the cure to cancer here, are we.”
NArse.
ASBO Top Trumps
Home Secretary Theresa May has initiated a review of the ASBO programme, claiming she would like to implement a more efficient way of being completely ignored by the nation’s reprobates.
The ASBO was introduced by the Labour government as a way of looking like they were doing something about the packs of feral arseholes that roam the country’s streets, but
reports show that over half of those issued have been completely ignored.
The Home Secretary told reporters, “What we need is a punishment that is cheap, easy to administer, and difficult to measure.”
“This will mean that when it is ultimately ignored by the thousands to horrendous individuals it is applied to, it doesn’t seem like such a colossal waste of money.”
“I’m thinking a ‘naughty monkey’ badge made in China, or a couple of hours of quiet reflection time each night, from say 2am to 4am. Stuff we won’t monitor, report on, or feel bad about when it ultimately fails.”
Teenager Wayne Meadows told us, “I hope that whatever it is, it’s something that you can collect. Like football stickers.”
“I’ve got ASBOs for loitering, swearing, and playing my music too late at night. I still had a few to go, but I was confident of getting the drunken behaviour and spitting ones this summer.”
“Hang on, I still get to keep the ASBOs I already earned though yeah? I worked hard for them, so I should deffo get to keep them.”
“Anyway, the race is on. As soon as they announce whatever it is that will replace ASBOs, I will be doing everything I can to be the first on my street to get one.”
NArse.
The ASBO was introduced by the Labour government as a way of looking like they were doing something about the packs of feral arseholes that roam the country’s streets, but
reports show that over half of those issued have been completely ignored.
The Home Secretary told reporters, “What we need is a punishment that is cheap, easy to administer, and difficult to measure.”
“This will mean that when it is ultimately ignored by the thousands to horrendous individuals it is applied to, it doesn’t seem like such a colossal waste of money.”
“I’m thinking a ‘naughty monkey’ badge made in China, or a couple of hours of quiet reflection time each night, from say 2am to 4am. Stuff we won’t monitor, report on, or feel bad about when it ultimately fails.”
Anti-social behaviour
The news has disappointed many ASBO-collecting teenagers, who were hoping to complete the set in the near future.Teenager Wayne Meadows told us, “I hope that whatever it is, it’s something that you can collect. Like football stickers.”
“I’ve got ASBOs for loitering, swearing, and playing my music too late at night. I still had a few to go, but I was confident of getting the drunken behaviour and spitting ones this summer.”
“Hang on, I still get to keep the ASBOs I already earned though yeah? I worked hard for them, so I should deffo get to keep them.”
“Anyway, the race is on. As soon as they announce whatever it is that will replace ASBOs, I will be doing everything I can to be the first on my street to get one.”
NArse.
A Spade is a Spade
HEALTH professionals should tell patients they are 'nutjobs' rather than 'Daily Mail readers', the public health minister has claimed.
She added: "If I look in the mirror and think 'I am a Daily Mail reader' it makes me less worried than if I look in the mirror and think 'I'm a total fucking psycho'."
She said too many staff working in the NHS were worried about using 'nutjob', but suggested it could help to encourage personal responsibility, adding: "Just look them in the eye and say 'you're a bloody lunatic, now get the hell out of my office before I call the police'."
The term 'Daily Mail reader' comes from the Latin word 'dailymailreaderus', which roughly translated means 'intensive consumption of insanity commissioned by the world's maddest man'.
Societies have long been worried about problems of excess insanity, though it was not until 1954 when Oxford psychiatrist Stephen Malley linked the Daily Mail with diseases such as screeching mentalness and chronic unhingement.
But some GPs have insisted the words 'nutjob' or 'maniac' could stigmatise those who are completely off their heads.
Dr Tom Logan, from Stevenage, warned: "Reading the Daily Mail is something that happens to people rather than something they are.
"I would probably say something like 'can we talk about which newspapers you' read' rather than just calling them a total schizoid."
He added: "That said I do always have a syringe filled with horse tranquiliser concealed in my left hand."
DMash.
Southend United Confirm Debts are Paid
 |
Southend United have reiterated that they have paid money owed to Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs and Charterhouse Commercial Finance.
The club face winding-up and administration hearings over the debts, which totalled just under £400 000.
A statement on their website says: "Funds had been deposited for payment of the Revenue debt and also for the amount due to Charterhouse."
The club face an administration hearing in the High Court on 2nd August but a winding-up petition from Charterhouse has been adjourned until 11th August.
Southend had owed £238 710 to HMRC and £140 000 to Charterhouse Commercial Finance, but the HMRC still believe the club should be placed into administration due to its "habitual defaulting".
The club has recently released several of its higher paid players in a bid to balance the books, but now has only nine registered players available to play in the Football League.
The Blues are currently under a transfer embargo but the Professional Footballers Association has told BBC Essex that if the club can produce evidence to the Football League that they are dealing with their financial problems, they could be given special dispensation to register players.
BBC.
Hughes at Fulham
After Martin Jol had to turn the club down, Mark Hughes has just been conformed as the new manager at Cravern Cottage.
He'll do a fine job there no doubt, but he certainly will not have the bottomless bucket of bunce to play with that he enjoyed at Man City. I wish him well- but not against Spurs, eh?
He'll do a fine job there no doubt, but he certainly will not have the bottomless bucket of bunce to play with that he enjoyed at Man City. I wish him well- but not against Spurs, eh?
Out of Off!
We've just run out of Off!, one of the best mosquito repellents we know of and one which we use regularly. Tesco-Lotus is out of stock, as are all the local chemists who only have small tubes of ointment and not the large spray cans we use almost daily.
Instead we'll have to try Carrefour, our other huge supermarket, which is about a ten minute walk away and due to the heat yesterday, we didn't bother. I wish we had.
I had barely arrived for my massage and within 10 seconds had been bitten twice. Arse.
Instead we'll have to try Carrefour, our other huge supermarket, which is about a ten minute walk away and due to the heat yesterday, we didn't bother. I wish we had.
I had barely arrived for my massage and within 10 seconds had been bitten twice. Arse.
Friday the 13th
We're due on in a couple of week's time and so with that in mind:
53.8% of people say they are afraid of things having to do with the number 13. Coincidentally, this is approximately equal to 7 out of 13 people.
53.8% of people say they are afraid of things having to do with the number 13. Coincidentally, this is approximately equal to 7 out of 13 people.
And It's Also Friday
Which always cheers us up despite every day being a weekend for us.
We'll be meeting up with Ross at the Night Market tonight to catch up with him and find out how his new bar is getting along. With luck we'll be able to visit before we leave on 18th August but if not, we'll be back in October by which time it will definitely be open and in full swing.
He's also got a great name for the place: Thaiger, Tiger
A nice play on words to include the country and the product and of course the theme is stripes. :o)
We'll be meeting up with Ross at the Night Market tonight to catch up with him and find out how his new bar is getting along. With luck we'll be able to visit before we leave on 18th August but if not, we'll be back in October by which time it will definitely be open and in full swing.
He's also got a great name for the place: Thaiger, Tiger
A nice play on words to include the country and the product and of course the theme is stripes. :o)
Travel Tip # 81
Don't whatever happens buy a local mayonnaise. Yes, it may be cheaper but it will also be quite ghastly and sweet.
Pay the extra and plump for Hellman's if you can find it or Kraft, it's definitely worth it. I made a cracking egg mayo last night, which even wifey was complimentary over. She's not a huge fan of the sandwich filling but was rather impressed.
The secret ingredient, apart from decent mayo? Add a good pinch of chilli powder and a dash of fish sauce. It sounds gross but trust me, it works.
Pay the extra and plump for Hellman's if you can find it or Kraft, it's definitely worth it. I made a cracking egg mayo last night, which even wifey was complimentary over. She's not a huge fan of the sandwich filling but was rather impressed.
The secret ingredient, apart from decent mayo? Add a good pinch of chilli powder and a dash of fish sauce. It sounds gross but trust me, it works.
However, a Slight Silver Lining
Our agents, Coulson James, have just been in touch with some better news. Their plumber has finally been able to solve the boiler fault without resorting to replacing it and so our tenant has hot water and heating again.
It's taken many hours to solve but the chap has finally cracked the problem and that makes us feel much better, knowing our tenant is comfortable once again.
Now we have to wait for the bill- and that is not going to be cheap. Still, it has to be better than a new boiler, right?
It's taken many hours to solve but the chap has finally cracked the problem and that makes us feel much better, knowing our tenant is comfortable once again.
Now we have to wait for the bill- and that is not going to be cheap. Still, it has to be better than a new boiler, right?
Not Too Good
Our brush with the UK tax man hasn't gone away and looks likely to be bad news.
Being non-resident we are legally able to receive investment income, tax free, as long as it is not from rental property. Therefore we can get our interest from our savings in the UK gross of tax.
To do this we have to fill in a R85 form, which we did and all has been well. Or at least so we thought...
It transpires that this is not the correct form, rather it should be R105 and this is where the fun stops. Whereas all banks and building societies are obliged to accept R85, they are not under the same obligation with R105 and naturally, the Nationwide, for some reason, is one of the few companies that doesn't.
This means that we will no longer be able to get our cash gross and have to reclaim it back at the end of the tax year. Except we can't, as we are non-resident...
Basically, if tax is deducted at source the whole lot becomes taxable, whereas if received gross it isn't !!
Trust me, it's far more complex than this and I'm not wholly sure about the finer points, but that is the bottom line and the only option we have is to take our savings out from the Nationwide and move them to a bank which does accept this new bloody form.
And again, it's not that simple either. To open up a new account in the Nanny State will not be as easy as it has been in New Zealand or Thailand, it will takes weeks and we'll have to provide all manner of proof and documentation.
And of course we have only recently tied up our savings for at least three years to get any kind of interest, which means we'll have to break the deal, no doubt get heavily penalised and get involved with further complications.
All because of one poxy form.
This has not been the best of news and as you can imagine, the UK tax man is not my friend of the week. Bastards. :-(
Being non-resident we are legally able to receive investment income, tax free, as long as it is not from rental property. Therefore we can get our interest from our savings in the UK gross of tax.
To do this we have to fill in a R85 form, which we did and all has been well. Or at least so we thought...
It transpires that this is not the correct form, rather it should be R105 and this is where the fun stops. Whereas all banks and building societies are obliged to accept R85, they are not under the same obligation with R105 and naturally, the Nationwide, for some reason, is one of the few companies that doesn't.
This means that we will no longer be able to get our cash gross and have to reclaim it back at the end of the tax year. Except we can't, as we are non-resident...
Basically, if tax is deducted at source the whole lot becomes taxable, whereas if received gross it isn't !!
Trust me, it's far more complex than this and I'm not wholly sure about the finer points, but that is the bottom line and the only option we have is to take our savings out from the Nationwide and move them to a bank which does accept this new bloody form.
And again, it's not that simple either. To open up a new account in the Nanny State will not be as easy as it has been in New Zealand or Thailand, it will takes weeks and we'll have to provide all manner of proof and documentation.
And of course we have only recently tied up our savings for at least three years to get any kind of interest, which means we'll have to break the deal, no doubt get heavily penalised and get involved with further complications.
All because of one poxy form.
This has not been the best of news and as you can imagine, the UK tax man is not my friend of the week. Bastards. :-(
Thursday, 29 July 2010
Utterly Backwards
A female passenger was ordered off a plane so that a fat teenager could have two seats.
The 50kg (8st) woman, who had paid full fare to fly from Las Vegas to Sacramento in California, was told to make way for an obese 14 year old girl aboard the Southwest Airlines flight. An airline spokesbot said:
Only in America, eh?
The 50kg (8st) woman, who had paid full fare to fly from Las Vegas to Sacramento in California, was told to make way for an obese 14 year old girl aboard the Southwest Airlines flight. An airline spokesbot said:
"Normally, if the passenger were an adult, she would be required to purchase an extra ticket but we did not want to leave the 14-year-old stranded."
Only in America, eh?
Oi, Fatty
A Government minister has said it’s time to tell people they are fat, not obese.
Health minister, Anne Milton, said the term "fat" was more likely to motivate people into losing weight, adding it was important people took "personal responsibility" for their lifestyles. Stressing she was giving her own personal view, she told the BBC:
How refreshing after the Labour's softy, nannying approach to finally have a Government who are talking straight and calling it as it really is.
Health minister, Anne Milton, said the term "fat" was more likely to motivate people into losing weight, adding it was important people took "personal responsibility" for their lifestyles. Stressing she was giving her own personal view, she told the BBC:
"If I look in the mirror and think I am obese I think I am less worried than if I think I am fat. Too many staff working in the NHS were worried about using the term.
At the end of the day you cannot do it for them. People have to have the information."
How refreshing after the Labour's softy, nannying approach to finally have a Government who are talking straight and calling it as it really is.
Waste of Money
Consumers could save up to £400 by ignoring far-fetched claims about products that don’t work, Which? magazine has claimed. It has released a list of ten "money-wasting products you don’t need" after tests found they failed to live up to their claims.
Peanut butter makers and petrol and diesel additives should be avoided along with smoothie makers with taps and small photo printers, which were expensive and no better than a general printer. A test of 12 anti-wrinkle eye creams found that a £2.98 pot of Simple moisturiser had the same "limited" effect as the most expensive cream.
Which? suggested avoiding them altogether.
I'd also add shampoo to the list- 99.99% contain identical ingredients- the price difference is purely for the name on the bottle.
Peanut butter makers and petrol and diesel additives should be avoided along with smoothie makers with taps and small photo printers, which were expensive and no better than a general printer. A test of 12 anti-wrinkle eye creams found that a £2.98 pot of Simple moisturiser had the same "limited" effect as the most expensive cream.
Which? suggested avoiding them altogether.
I'd also add shampoo to the list- 99.99% contain identical ingredients- the price difference is purely for the name on the bottle.
Covering Up
Tourists who are "inappropriately dressed" are being told to cover up by Vatican officials or face a ban. Those entering St Peter’s Square, which marks the border between the city state and Rome, have been told no shorts, skirts above the knee and bare shoulders are allowed.
Considering the seedy scandals the Church is involved in, I find this a bit hypocritical but it's also correct. There are plenty temples in Asia which have a similar dress code and will only allow you in if your shoulders are covered and your shorts/skirts are below the knee.
You have three options; dress appropriately before you arrive, hire suitable clothes at the venue or simply leave. Respect a country's customs and rules no matter where you are.
Considering the seedy scandals the Church is involved in, I find this a bit hypocritical but it's also correct. There are plenty temples in Asia which have a similar dress code and will only allow you in if your shoulders are covered and your shorts/skirts are below the knee.
You have three options; dress appropriately before you arrive, hire suitable clothes at the venue or simply leave. Respect a country's customs and rules no matter where you are.
One Big Muscle
Including the hard and soft palettes, the human tongue weighs over one pound.
No doubt women's will weight double that amount seeing as they use it twice as much constantly yakking...
No doubt women's will weight double that amount seeing as they use it twice as much constantly yakking...
Whistle While You Work
Listening to your iPod can ruin your memory, so if there is work to be done, you had better switch off your MP3 player.
Listening to music while performing memory tasks– such as "recall a list of eight consonants in order", impaired performance in test subjects, whether they liked the songs or not, a study in the journal Applied Cognitive Psychology found. The "acoustical variation" was distracting, researchers said.
Listening to music while performing memory tasks– such as "recall a list of eight consonants in order", impaired performance in test subjects, whether they liked the songs or not, a study in the journal Applied Cognitive Psychology found. The "acoustical variation" was distracting, researchers said.
Cooking with ktelontour
Nutty in flavour and a similar taste to rabbit, here are a few recipes to piss off the veggies:
From wildliferecipes.net
Squirrel pasties
140g squirrel meat cut into 1cm cubes;100g sliced potato; 100g sliced swede; 50g diced onion; 30g smoked bacon;15g chopped hazelnuts; 75g butter; 5g chopped parsley; a good pinch of salt and pepper.
140g squirrel meat cut into 1cm cubes;100g sliced potato; 100g sliced swede; 50g diced onion; 30g smoked bacon;15g chopped hazelnuts; 75g butter; 5g chopped parsley; a good pinch of salt and pepper.
Method
Egg wash edges of pastry circles.
Place the potato, swede, hazelnuts, parsley and seasoning on to each circle followed by the bacon, squirrel meat and, finally, the onion.
Place butter in each pasty, then fold over the pastry and crimp the edges.
Put the pasties on to a greaseproof baking tray, egg wash both pasties well, place in a pre-heated oven at 180C or gas mark 5.
Bake for 45-50 minutes. The juices should start to boil and the pasties should be able to move on the tray with ease.
Egg wash edges of pastry circles.
Place the potato, swede, hazelnuts, parsley and seasoning on to each circle followed by the bacon, squirrel meat and, finally, the onion.
Place butter in each pasty, then fold over the pastry and crimp the edges.
Put the pasties on to a greaseproof baking tray, egg wash both pasties well, place in a pre-heated oven at 180C or gas mark 5.
Bake for 45-50 minutes. The juices should start to boil and the pasties should be able to move on the tray with ease.
Recipe courtesy of Kevin Viner, former chef-proprietor of Pennypots, the first Michelin-starred restaurant in Cornwall, writing in The Observer.
Squirrel Pie
Clean, skin and cut two squirrels into small pieces. Soak in salted water, or water with a little vinegar added, changing water several times. Drain, dry and roll in seasoned flour. Sauté in pork or bacon fat until slightly browned, then place in greased pie dish or bowl, add two cups liquid (made up of wine, cider, beer, crushed fruit , or a little vinegar, and water or stock), salt and pepper, one thinly sliced onion, herbs of your choice. Cover and cook on top stove for 1 30mins, or in moderate oven for two hours. Remove and thicken the stock with a little flour. Take out part of the gravy and add tomatoes, or sauce, to serve with the pie. Meanwhile, cover meat dish with pastry or biscuit dough, slit for steam to escape, and bake for 20 minutes in hot oven.
Clean, skin and cut two squirrels into small pieces. Soak in salted water, or water with a little vinegar added, changing water several times. Drain, dry and roll in seasoned flour. Sauté in pork or bacon fat until slightly browned, then place in greased pie dish or bowl, add two cups liquid (made up of wine, cider, beer, crushed fruit , or a little vinegar, and water or stock), salt and pepper, one thinly sliced onion, herbs of your choice. Cover and cook on top stove for 1 30mins, or in moderate oven for two hours. Remove and thicken the stock with a little flour. Take out part of the gravy and add tomatoes, or sauce, to serve with the pie. Meanwhile, cover meat dish with pastry or biscuit dough, slit for steam to escape, and bake for 20 minutes in hot oven.
From wildliferecipes.net
Squirrel Surprise
A Budgens grocery store in Crouch End, North London is currently selling squirrel meat for £3 each and campaigners claim it is committing "wildlife massacre". The do-gooders from Vegetarians International Voice for Animals (Viva) says the supermarket are supporting a "barbaric and needles cull" of grey squirrels.
Pardon me? Squirrels were once a staple of the national diet and made into soups, pies and casseroles and considering they are abundant, where's the problem?
Besides, if you're happy to not eat meat, no problem- but why insist everyone else should also follow your choice?
Pardon me? Squirrels were once a staple of the national diet and made into soups, pies and casseroles and considering they are abundant, where's the problem?
Besides, if you're happy to not eat meat, no problem- but why insist everyone else should also follow your choice?
Americans and Tipping
World renowned for being such generous tippers because they are brain washed from birth to leave at least 20% for all kinds of service, I am constantly amazed that they are therefore such tight wads away from their own country.
I've lost track of the times they will take all the change after buying a round at the bar or settling up their bill, and when I questioned a few on this, they simply say that they are simply following advice in guidebooks who insist that tipping is not accepted in Thailand.
Utter pish, everyone likes a bit of pocket money if they have done a good job (and here that is almost every time) and to cop out like that is miserly. Shame on you.
I've lost track of the times they will take all the change after buying a round at the bar or settling up their bill, and when I questioned a few on this, they simply say that they are simply following advice in guidebooks who insist that tipping is not accepted in Thailand.
Utter pish, everyone likes a bit of pocket money if they have done a good job (and here that is almost every time) and to cop out like that is miserly. Shame on you.
Seconds Out, Round Two
The return of the pipe cleaner man*.
I foolishly had another massage this afternoon, having been talked into by Mr Saeri who assured me it would be much softer this time. The clue was in the laugh, as I suspect he was winding me but I'm always game for a laugh and seeing as he was paying (again- another freebie courtesy of the hotel), I did my "dead man walking" routine.
Perhaps not quite as vicious as the previous time but nonetheless, if that's "soft", I'm a teetotaller, and I was once again bent into all kinds of shapes only a pipe cleaner* can contort into.
At one point, my petite, all-in-wrestler even fell off the massage stage,** she was so engrossed in her ninja routine. Well, it made me chuckle- now you know it feels like, pet.
Super fun once it was all over, we ended up taking a swim and will now sleep like dead things tonight. Marvellous.
**The massage beds are on a raised platform which allow the girls to hop over and around our prostrate bodies to get best access for the next death grip. You keep your clothes on (shorts and a T) and they "massage" you through towels.
By massage I of course mean pummelling, using the knee, elbows and any body part that is rock hard and bony.
I foolishly had another massage this afternoon, having been talked into by Mr Saeri who assured me it would be much softer this time. The clue was in the laugh, as I suspect he was winding me but I'm always game for a laugh and seeing as he was paying (again- another freebie courtesy of the hotel), I did my "dead man walking" routine.
Perhaps not quite as vicious as the previous time but nonetheless, if that's "soft", I'm a teetotaller, and I was once again bent into all kinds of shapes only a pipe cleaner* can contort into.
At one point, my petite, all-in-wrestler even fell off the massage stage,** she was so engrossed in her ninja routine. Well, it made me chuckle- now you know it feels like, pet.
Super fun once it was all over, we ended up taking a swim and will now sleep like dead things tonight. Marvellous.
**The massage beds are on a raised platform which allow the girls to hop over and around our prostrate bodies to get best access for the next death grip. You keep your clothes on (shorts and a T) and they "massage" you through towels.
By massage I of course mean pummelling, using the knee, elbows and any body part that is rock hard and bony.
White Goods in Thailand
If you intend to buy/lease a condo and need furnishing, it won't take much to kit out your new pad.
Fridge/freezers, washing machines (although why bother, simply do a service wash- they even do your ironing) and televisions are very cheap, as are toasters and kettles. Today we even saw a microwave in the sales and it was less than thirty notes. Bargains galore around these parts.
Fridge/freezers, washing machines (although why bother, simply do a service wash- they even do your ironing) and televisions are very cheap, as are toasters and kettles. Today we even saw a microwave in the sales and it was less than thirty notes. Bargains galore around these parts.
Double Dutch
We met a delightful Dutch couple who were honeymooning in Thailand last night and had a great time swapping tales of our travels through this magical Kingdom.
Sadly they had to fly back last night, but we wish them well for the future and hope they have a safe flight home.
One of the many subjects we discussed were wedding rings, as we noticed they wore them on their right hand. We were always under the impression Europeans did this as a matter of course (as with driving on the wrong side of the road ;-)) but it turns out that in Holland it depends on your religion.
Left for Catholic, right for Protestant.
Luckily we don't wear rings- I have no religion and so wouldn't know which side to wear it...
Sadly they had to fly back last night, but we wish them well for the future and hope they have a safe flight home.
One of the many subjects we discussed were wedding rings, as we noticed they wore them on their right hand. We were always under the impression Europeans did this as a matter of course (as with driving on the wrong side of the road ;-)) but it turns out that in Holland it depends on your religion.
Left for Catholic, right for Protestant.
Luckily we don't wear rings- I have no religion and so wouldn't know which side to wear it...
Madness
Brits are more trusting of the internet than their own friends and colleagues, when it comes to handing over personal information, it has been found.
Researchers discovered that while the average adult freely divulges a string of personal details on social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, most would not give friends or colleagues their PIN number.
One in twenty people have their home address visible on social networking sites yet 86% would not hand over their PIN to someone they know. And while only 5% of people would let their best mate have access to their PIN number, 50% of respondents have their relationship status visible online.
Nearly two thirds of people also have their date of birth on networking sites which is always a security question when telephoning banks or building societies.
Researchers discovered that while the average adult freely divulges a string of personal details on social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, most would not give friends or colleagues their PIN number.
One in twenty people have their home address visible on social networking sites yet 86% would not hand over their PIN to someone they know. And while only 5% of people would let their best mate have access to their PIN number, 50% of respondents have their relationship status visible online.
Nearly two thirds of people also have their date of birth on networking sites which is always a security question when telephoning banks or building societies.
Mobile Disease
The typical mobile phone can harbour up to 18 times more bacteria than the average toilet handle, it has been found, after hygiene experts working for consumer guide Which? tested a selection of 30 mobile phones to see how dirty they were.
They found seven were covered in high levels of environmental bacteria which could act as a breeding ground for other bugs. 1 in 7 even harboured faecal coliforms and could have given any user a serious stomach upset.
There are approximately 15 million mobiles in the UK currently.
They found seven were covered in high levels of environmental bacteria which could act as a breeding ground for other bugs. 1 in 7 even harboured faecal coliforms and could have given any user a serious stomach upset.
There are approximately 15 million mobiles in the UK currently.
Impending Doom
An asteroid has been identified which might collide with the Earth, but impact isn't due until 2182- and even then there's only a 1-in-1000 chance of it hitting. But a team of international space experts say the 560 m wide asteroid poses a threat to the Earth and could even destroy a city as large as London.
The rogue space rock, now said to be a "potentially hazardous asteroid" was first discovered ten years ago and given the catchy name of "1999 RQ3". Since then they've plotted its cosmic trajectory and discovered close it could come to hitting the planet.
I'll try and not lose any sleep over it just yet.
The rogue space rock, now said to be a "potentially hazardous asteroid" was first discovered ten years ago and given the catchy name of "1999 RQ3". Since then they've plotted its cosmic trajectory and discovered close it could come to hitting the planet.
I'll try and not lose any sleep over it just yet.
Sick Note
Sol Campbell looks set to sign for Newcastle United, in a move which will see him relocate to the treatment suite left vacant since Michael Owen’s departure to Manchester United.
Campbell, 35, is likely to sign a two-year contract that will see him humiliated by a number of premier league strikers before suffering a string of injuries that will ultimately lead to him being released from his deal next summer.
“We’re planning to make the treatment room nice and welcoming for him,” said Newcastle manager Chris Houghton.
“We’ve set aside some money so we can decorate the place to his taste, and make it feel like home, because that’s essentially what it will be for the next two years.”
Campbell is said to have rejected the offer of a one-year deal from Arsenal due to the lack of facilities dedicated to non-playing players at the North London club.
However, according to Campbell’s agent, there are still a few sticking points on his contract that have yet to be ironed out.
“We have yet to hear back from them regarding our demand for a box-set of High School Musical DVDs, plus our request for a monthly soft-furnishings budget.”
“That might not sound like much, but we see it as a sign of just how committed Newcastle United are to ensuring Sol’s time in their treatment room is as comfortable as possible.”
NArse.
Campbell, 35, is likely to sign a two-year contract that will see him humiliated by a number of premier league strikers before suffering a string of injuries that will ultimately lead to him being released from his deal next summer.
“We’re planning to make the treatment room nice and welcoming for him,” said Newcastle manager Chris Houghton.
“We’ve set aside some money so we can decorate the place to his taste, and make it feel like home, because that’s essentially what it will be for the next two years.”
Campbell is said to have rejected the offer of a one-year deal from Arsenal due to the lack of facilities dedicated to non-playing players at the North London club.
Premier League
Negotiations are set to conclude today, with the results of a thorough medical expected to be completely ignored some time this afternoon.However, according to Campbell’s agent, there are still a few sticking points on his contract that have yet to be ironed out.
“We have yet to hear back from them regarding our demand for a box-set of High School Musical DVDs, plus our request for a monthly soft-furnishings budget.”
“That might not sound like much, but we see it as a sign of just how committed Newcastle United are to ensuring Sol’s time in their treatment room is as comfortable as possible.”
NArse.
More on BG Profits
After British Gas unveiled a 98% rise in half-year profits thanks to an exceptionally cold winter, executives revealed they now start each day with a thirty-minute snow dance aimed at earning the continuing favour of the benevolent ice Gods.
The company, which supplies gas to more than half of the country’s households, made £585m in the year to June, the equivalent of forty pounds per customer.
Sam Laidlaw, the Chief Executive of British Gas’ parent company Centrica, told reporters, “We have sought the approval of the ice gods for many years, and this year they chose to grant us and our shareholders a delicious bounty.”
“Our elaborate snow dance brought the country to its knees, forced the nation’s heating on to ‘high’, and for that we will be eternally grateful.”
“We feel it might also be to do with the sacrifice of a few dozen old people, after the voice of the ice Gods instructed us to give them to the ‘coldness’ via the ceremonial procedure that what we are calling the ‘winter pricing structure’.”
Profits
As British Gas face a challenge to continue the growth of their profits, the company announced a range of new services designed to promote use of their products.
The new British Gas counselling line will allow customers to talk through any problems they might be having, with early users impressed with the free advice given.
Dave Cropley called about issues he was having making ends meet and was told, “have you tried putting the heating on?” which he claims made him “feel a bit better about everything, or maybe I was just warmer.”
84 year old Winifred Jones called the line about her acute arthritis, telling us afterwards, “I’m beginning to doubt the effectiveness of this ‘blue flame therapy’ they recommend for aching joints.”
“They said I should find some way of looking directly at four rings of blue flame for three hours a day in order to improve my physical well being.”
“I guess I’ll just have to up the dose to six hours a day. They did warn me this might happen.”
NArse.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)